People go to the monastery for various reasons. Some people are driven there by the general unsettled state of the world. Others have a religious upbringing, and they tend to consider the path of a monk to be the best for a person. Women quite often make this decision due to problems in their personal lives. For me everything was a little different. Questions of faith have always occupied me, and one day... But first things first.
My parents are doctors, my father is a surgeon, my mother is an obstetrician-gynecologist, and I also graduated from medical school. But I never became a doctor; I was fascinated by photography. I worked a lot for glossy magazines and was quite successful. What I liked most then was filming and traveling.
My boyfriend was interested in Buddhism and infected me with it. We traveled a lot around India and China. It was interesting, but I didn’t dive headlong into faith. I was looking for answers to questions that worried me. And I didn’t find it. Then I became interested in qigong - a kind of Chinese gymnastics. But over time, this hobby also passed. I wanted something stronger and more exciting.
One day, my friend and I were on our way to filming and accidentally stopped to spend the night in an Orthodox monastery. Unexpectedly, I was offered to replace the local cook. I love these types of challenges! I agreed and worked in the kitchen for two weeks. This is how Orthodoxy came into my life. I started going to the temple near my house regularly. After the first confession I felt great, it went so calmly. I became interested in religious books, studied the biographies of saints, observed fasts... I plunged into this world headlong and one day I realized that I wanted more. I decided to go to a monastery. Everyone, including the priest, dissuaded me, but the elder I went to blessed me with obedience.
I arrived at the monastery wet from head to toe, cold and hungry. It was hard on my soul, after all, it’s not every day that you change your life so dramatically. I, like any normal person, hoped that they would feed me, calm me down and, most importantly, listen to me. But instead, I was forbidden to talk to the nuns and sent to bed without dinner. I was upset, of course, but rules are rules, especially since we were talking about one of the strictest monasteries in Russia.
The abbess had a personal chef. She hypocritically complained that because of diabetes she was forced to eat salmon with asparagus, and not our gray crackers
Special zone
The monastery was ruled by a strong, powerful and, as it turned out, very influential woman. During the first meeting, she was friendly, smiling, and told by what laws life in the monastery follows. She clarified that she should be called mother, the others - sisters. Then it seemed that she treated me with maternal condescension. I believed that everyone living in the monastery was one big family. But alas...
It was a realm of meaningless restrictions. At the table you were not allowed to touch food without permission, you couldn’t ask for more, or eat something else until everyone had finished the soup. The oddities didn't just apply to the meals. We were forbidden to be friends. What’s more, we didn’t even have the right to talk to each other. Believe it or not, this was considered fornication. Gradually I realized: everything was arranged this way so that the sisters could not discuss the abbess and the monastic way of life. Mother was afraid of a riot.
I tried to practice humility. When something scared me, I thought that my faith was simply weak and that no one was to blame.
Further more. I noticed that during meals, someone is always scolded. For the most insignificant reasons (“I took the scissors and forgot to give them back”) or without them at all. You must understand that, according to church regulations, such conversations should take place face to face: your mentor not only scolds, but
and listens, offers help, teaches not to give in to temptations. In our case, everything turned into harsh public showdowns.
There is such a practice - “thoughts”. It is customary for monks to write down all their doubts and fears on paper and give them to their confessor, who does not even have to live in the same monastery. We wrote our thoughts, of course, to the abbess. The first time I did this, my mother read my letter at a common meal. Like, “listen to what fools we have here.” Directly under the “anecdote of the week” section. I almost burst into tears in front of everyone.
We ate what parishioners or nearby stores donated. As a rule, we were fed expired food. Mother gave everything that was produced at the monastery to higher-ranking clergy.
Sometimes the abbess ordered us to eat with a teaspoon. The meal time was limited - only 20 minutes. How much can you eat there during this time? I've lost a lot of weight
Be a novice
Gradually, life in the monastery began to remind me of hard labor, and I no longer remembered any spirituality. At five in the morning, getting up, hygiene procedures, excuse me, in a basin (showers are prohibited, this is a pleasure), then a meal, prayer and hard work until late at night, then more prayers.
It is clear that monasticism is not a resort. But the feeling of being constantly broken doesn’t seem normal either. It is impossible to doubt the correctness of obedience; neither can we admit the idea that the abbess is unjustifiably cruel.
Denunciations were encouraged here. In the form of those very “thoughts”. Instead of talking about the secret, one should have complained about others. I couldn’t tell lies, for which I was repeatedly punished. Punishment in the monastery is a public reprimand with the participation of all the sisters. They accused the victim of imaginary sins, and then the abbess deprived her of the sacrament. The most terrible punishment was considered to be exile to a monastery in a remote village. I loved these links. There it was possible to take a little break from the monstrous psychological pressure and take a breath. I couldn’t voluntarily ask to go to the monastery - I would immediately be suspected of a terrible conspiracy. However, I often felt guilty, so I regularly went into the wilderness.
Many novices took strong tranquilizers. There is something strange about the fact that approximately a third of the monastery's inhabitants are mentally ill. The nuns’ hysterics were “treated” by visits to an Orthodox psychiatrist, a friend of the abbess. She prescribed powerful medicines that turned people into vegetables.
Many people ask how the monastery deals with sexual temptation. When you are constantly under severe psychological pressure and work from morning to night in the kitchen or in the barn, desires do not arise.
The way back
I lived in the monastery for seven years. After a series of intrigues and denunciations, shortly before the proposed tonsure, my nerves gave way. I miscalculated, took a lethal dose of medicine and ended up in the hospital. I lay there for a couple of days and realized that I would not return back. It was a difficult decision. The novices are afraid to leave the monastery: they are told that this is a betrayal of God. They frighten with a terrible punishment - illness or sudden death of loved ones.
On the way home, I stopped with my confessor. After listening to me, he advised me to repent and take the blame upon myself. Most likely, he knew about what was happening in the monastery, but was friends with the abbess.
Gradually I returned to worldly life. After many years spent in isolation, it is very difficult to get used to the huge, noisy world again. At first it seemed to me that everyone was looking at me. That I am committing one sin after another, and all around there are atrocities going on. Thanks to my parents and friends who helped me in every way possible. I truly freed myself when I wrote about my experience on the Internet. Gradually I posted my story on LiveJournal. It became excellent psychotherapy, I received a lot of feedback and realized that I was not alone.
After about a year of monastic life, my periods disappeared. This was the case with other novices as well. The body simply could not withstand the load, it began to fail
As a result, my sketches formed the book “Confession of a Former Novice.” When it came out, reactions varied. To my surprise, many novices, nuns and even monks supported me. “That’s how it is,” they said. Of course, there were those who condemned. The number of articles in which I appear either as an “editorial fiction” or as an “ungrateful monster” has exceeded a hundred. But I was ready for this. In the end, people have the right to their point of view, and my opinion is not the ultimate truth.
Time has passed, and now I know for sure that the problem is not with me, the system is to blame. It's not about religion, it's about the people who interpret it in such a perverted way. And one more thing: thanks to this experience, I realized that you should always trust your feelings and not try to see white in black. He's not there.
Another road
These women once got tired of the bustle of the world and decided to change everything. Not all of them became nuns, but the lives of each are now closely connected withchurch.
Olga Gobzeva. The star of the films “Operation Trust” and “Portrait of the Artist’s Wife” took monastic vows in 1992. Today Mother Olga is the abbess of the Elisabeth Convent. 
Amanda Perez. A few years ago, the famous Spanish model left the catwalk without regrets and entered a monastery. Not going to return.
Ekaterina Vasilyeva. In the 90s, the actress (“Crazy” 
Baba") left cinema and serves as a bell ringer in a church. Occasionally he appears in TV series with his daughter Maria Spivak.
Photo: Facebook; Cinema concern "Mosfilm"; Persona Stars; VOSTOCK Photo
Since it carries within itself renunciation of a sinful life, the seal of chosenness, eternal union with Christ and dedication to serving God.
Monasticism is the destiny of the strong in spirit and body. If a person is unhappy in worldly life, escaping to a monastery will only worsen his misfortunes.
It is possible to go to a monastery only by breaking ties with the outside world, completely renouncing everything earthly and devoting your life to serving the Lord. Desire alone is not enough for this: the call and dictates of the heart make a person closer to monasticism. For this you need to work hard and prepare.
The path to the monastery begins with knowledge of the depth of spiritual life.
Took monastic vows
Entering a monastery for women
How can a woman go to a monastery? This is a decision that the woman herself makes, but not without the help of a spiritual mentor and God's blessing.
We should not forget that they come to the monastery not to heal spiritual wounds received in the world from unhappy love, the death of loved ones, but to reunite with the Lord, with the cleansing of the soul from sins, with the understanding that all life now belongs to the service of Christ.
Everyone is welcome at the monastery, but as long as there are problems in worldly life, the walls of the monastery cannot save, but can only worsen the situation. When leaving for a monastery, there should be no attachments that hold you back in everyday life. If the readiness to devote oneself to serving the Lord is strong, then monastic life will benefit the nun; peace and tranquility will be found in daily work, prayers and the feeling that the Lord is always near.
If people behave irresponsibly in the world - they want to leave their wife, leave their children, then there is no confidence that monastic life will benefit such a lost soul.
Important! Responsibility is needed always and everywhere. You can't run away from yourself. You should not go to the monastery, but come to the monastery, go towards a new day, a new dawn, where the Lord is waiting for you.
Entering a monastery for men
How can a man go to a monastery? This decision is not easy. But the rules are the same, just like for women. It’s just that in society, more responsibility for family, work, and children lies on men’s shoulders.
Therefore, when going to a monastery, but at the same time getting closer to God, you need to think about whether your loved ones will be left without the support and strong shoulder of a man.
There is no big difference between a man and a woman who wants to go to a monastery. Everyone has their own reason for leaving for the monastery. The only thing that unites future monks is imitation of the way of life of Christ.
Preparation for monastic life
Monk - translated from Greek means “lonely”, and in Rus' they were called monks - from the word “different”, “different”. Monastic life is not a disregard for the world, its colors and admiration for life, but it is a renunciation of harmful passions and sinfulness, from carnal pleasures and pleasures. Monasticism serves to restore the original purity and sinlessness that Adam and Eve were endowed with in paradise.
Yes, this is a difficult and difficult path, but the reward is great - imitation of the image of Christ, endless joy in God, the ability to accept with gratitude everything that the Lord sends. In addition, monks are the first prayer books about the sinful world. As long as their prayer sounds, the world continues. This is the main job of monks - to pray for the whole world.
While a man or woman lives in the world, but with all his soul feels that their place is in the monastery, they have time to prepare and make the right and final choice between worldly life and life in unity with God:
- First you need to be an Orthodox Christian;
- To visit the temple, but not formally, but to imbue your soul with the divine services and love them;
- Perform morning and evening prayer rules;
- Learn to observe physical and spiritual fasting;
- Honor Orthodox holidays;
- Read spiritual literature, the lives of saints, and be sure to get acquainted with books written by holy people that tell about monastic life and the history of monasticism;
- Find a spiritual mentor who will tell you about true monasticism, dispel myths about life in a monastery, and give a blessing for serving God;
- Make a pilgrimage to several monasteries, be a laborer, stay for obedience.
About Orthodox monasteries:
Who can enter a monastery
The impossibility of living without God leads a man or woman to the walls of the monastery. They do not run away from people, but go for salvation, for the inner need of repentance.
And yet there are obstacles to entering the monastery; not everyone can be blessed for monasticism.
Cannot be a monk or nun:
- A family man;
- A man or woman raising small children;
- Wanting to hide from unhappy love, difficulties, failures;
- A person’s advanced age becomes an obstacle to monasticism, because in the monastery they work diligently and hard, and for this you need to be healthy. Yes, and it is difficult to change ingrained habits that will become an obstacle to monasticism.
If all this is absent and the intention to come to monasticism does not leave a person for a minute, of course, no one and nothing will prevent him from renouncing the world and entering a monastery.
Absolutely different people go to the monastery: those who have achieved success in the world, educated, smart, beautiful. They go because the soul thirsts for more.
Monasticism is open to everyone, but not everyone is fully ready for it. Monasticism is a life without sorrows, in the understanding that a person gets rid of worldly vanity and worries. But this life is much harder than the life of a family man. The family cross is difficult, but after escaping from it to a monastery, disappointment awaits and relief does not come.
Advice! And yet, in order to step on the difficult path of monasticism, which belongs to a few, you need to think carefully and carefully, so as not to look back and regret what happened.
Took monastic vows
How to deal with parents
Many parents in ancient times in Rus' and other Orthodox countries welcomed their children’s desire to become monks. The youths were prepared from childhood to become monks. Such children were considered prayer books for the whole family.
But there were also deeply religious people who categorically opposed the service of their children in the monastic field. They wanted to see their children successful and prosperous in worldly life.
Children who independently decided to live in a monastery prepare their loved ones for such a serious choice. It is necessary to choose the right words and arguments that will be perceived correctly by parents and will not lead them into the sin of condemnation.
In turn, prudent parents will thoroughly study their child’s choice, delve into the essence and understanding of the whole issue, and help and support a loved one in such an important undertaking.
It’s just that the majority, due to ignorance of the essence of monasticism, perceive the desire of children to serve the Lord as something alien, unnatural. They begin to fall into despair and melancholy.
Parents are sad that there will be no grandchildren, that their son or daughter will not have all the usual worldly joys, which are considered to be the highest achievements for a person.
Advice! Monasticism is a worthy decision for a child, and parental support is an important component in the final confirmation of the correct choice of the future path in life.
On raising children in faith:
Time for reflection: laborer and novice
To choose a monastery in which a future monk will stay, they make more than one trip to holy places. When visiting one monastery, it is difficult to determine that a person’s heart will remain here to serve God.
After remaining in the monastery for several weeks, the man or woman is assigned the role of laborer.
During this period a person:
- prays a lot, confesses;
- works for the benefit of the monastery;
- gradually comprehends the basics of monastic life.
The worker lives at the monastery and eats here. At this stage, the monastery takes a closer look at him, and if the person remains faithful to his vocation of monasticism, he is offered to remain in the monastery as a novice - a person preparing to be tonsured as a monk and undergoing a spiritual test in the monastery.
Important: obedience is a Christian virtue, a monastic vow, a test, the whole meaning of which comes down to the liberation of the soul, and not to slavery. The essence and importance of obedience must be understood and felt. Understand that everything is done for good, and not for torment. By performing obedience, they understand that the elder, who is responsible for the future monk, cares about the salvation of his soul.
In case of unbearable trials, when the spirit weakens, you can always turn to your elder and tell about the difficulties. And unceasing prayer to God is the first assistant in strengthening the spirit.
You can be a novice for many years. Whether a person is ready to become a monk is decided by the confessor. At the stage of obedience there is still time to think about the future life.
The bishop or abbot of the monastery performs the rite of monastic tonsure. After tonsure there is no turning back: moving away from passions, sorrows and embarrassment leads to an inextricable connection with God.
Important: do not rush, do not rush to accept monasticism. Impulsive impulses, inexperience, and ardor are falsely taken for a true calling to be a monk. And then a person begins to worry, despondency, melancholy, and run away from the monastery. The vows are made and no one can break them. And life turns into torture.
Therefore, the main instruction of the holy fathers is careful obedience and testing for a certain period of time, which will show the true intention to be called to monasticism.
Life in the monastery
In our 21st century, it has become possible for ordinary lay people to get closer and see the life of monks.
Pilgrimage trips to nunneries and monasteries are now being organized. The pilgrimage lasts several days. The laity live at the monastery, in specially designated rooms for guests. Sometimes accommodation may be paid, but this is a symbolic price and the proceeds from it go to the maintenance of the monastery. Food is free, according to the monastery charter, that is, fast food.
But the laity do not live in the monastery as tourists, but become involved in the life of monks. They undergo obedience, work for the good of the monastery, pray and feel the grace of God with all their nature. They are very tired, but the fatigue is pleasant, grace-filled, which brings peace to the soul and a feeling of the closeness of God.
After such trips, many myths about the life of monks are dispelled:
- There is strict discipline in the monastery, but it does not oppress the nuns and monks, but brings joy. They see the meaning of life in fasting, work and prayer.
- Nobody forbids a monk to have books, listen to music, watch films, communicate with friends, travel, but everything should be for the good of the soul.
- The cells are not dull, as they show in feature films, there is a wardrobe, a bed, a table, many icons - everything is very cozy.
After tonsure, three vows are taken: chastity, non-covetousness, obedience:
- Monastic chastity- this is celibacy, as a constituent element of aspiration towards God; the concept of chastity as abstinence from satisfying the lusts of the flesh also exists in the world, therefore the meaning of this vow in the context of monasticism is something else - the acquisition of God Himself;
- Monastic obedience- cutting off one’s will before everyone - elders, before every person, before Christ. Trust God infinitely and be submissive to Him in everything. Accept with gratitude everything as it is. Such a life acquires a special inner world, in direct contact with God and not overshadowed by any external circumstances;
- Non-covetousness means renunciation of everything earthly. Monastic life renounces earthly goods: a monk should not have an addiction to anything. By renouncing earthly riches, he gains lightness of spirit.
And only with the Lord, when communication with Him becomes above all else - the rest, in principle, is not necessary and unimportant.
Watch a video about how to enter a monastery
Novice Timofey (in the world Timote Suladze) dreamed of becoming a bishop, but life in the monastery changed his plans, forcing him to start over from scratch.
First try
I went to the monastery several times. The first desire arose when I was 14 years old. Then I lived in Minsk, studying in the first year of music school. I had just started going to church and asked to sing in the church choir of the cathedral. In the shop of one of the Minsk churches, I accidentally came across a detailed life of St. Seraphim of Sarov - a thick book, about 300 pages. I read it in one fell swoop and immediately wanted to follow the example of the saint.
Soon I had the opportunity to visit several Belarusian and Russian monasteries as a guest and pilgrim. In one of them, I made friends with the brethren, who at that time consisted of only two monks and one novice. Since then, I periodically came to this monastery to live. For various reasons, including due to my young age, in those years I was not able to fulfill my dream.
The second time I thought about monasticism was years later. For several years I chose between different monasteries - from St. Petersburg to Georgian mountain monasteries. I went there to visit and took a closer look. Finally, he chose the St. Elias Monastery of the Odessa Diocese of the Moscow Patriarchate, which he entered as a novice. By the way, we met his deputy and talked for a long time before the real meeting on one of the social networks.
Monastic life
Having crossed the threshold of the monastery with my things, I realized that my worries and doubts were behind me: I was home, now a difficult, but understandable and bright life, full of spiritual achievements, awaited me. It was quiet happiness.
The monastery is located in the very center of the city. We were free to leave the territory for a short time. It was even possible to go to the sea, but for a longer absence it was necessary to obtain permission from the governor or dean. If you need to leave the city, permission had to be in writing. The fact is that there are a lot of deceivers who put on vestments and pretend to be clergy, monks or novices, but at the same time have nothing to do with either the clergy or monasticism. These people go around cities and villages, collecting donations. Permission from the monastery was a kind of shield: just a little, without any problems, you could prove that you belonged, the real one.
In the monastery itself I had a separate cell, and for this I am grateful to the governor. Most novices and even some monks lived in twos. All amenities were on the floor. The building was always clean and tidy. This was monitored by the civilian workers of the monastery: cleaners, laundresses and other employees. All household needs were satisfied in abundance: we were well fed in the fraternal refectory, and they turned a blind eye to the fact that we also had our own food in our cells.
I felt great joy when something delicious was served in the refectory! For example, red fish, caviar, good wine. Meat products were not consumed in the common refectory, but we were not forbidden to eat them. Therefore, when I managed to buy something outside the monastery and bring it into my cell, I was also happy. Without being a priest, there were few opportunities to earn money on his own. For example, they paid, it seems, 50 hryvnia for the ringing of bells during a wedding. This was enough either to put it on the phone or to buy something tasty. More serious needs were provided at the expense of the monastery.
We got up at 5:30, with the exception of Sundays and major church holidays (on such days two or three liturgies were served, and everyone got up depending on which liturgy he wanted or was scheduled to attend or serve). At 6:00 the morning monastic prayer rule began. All the brethren had to be present, except for the sick, absent, and so on. Then at 7:00 the liturgy began, for which the serving priest, deacon and sexton on duty were required to remain. The rest are optional.
At this time, I either went to the office for obedience, or returned to the cell to sleep for a few more hours. At 9 or 10 o'clock in the morning (I don't remember exactly) there was breakfast, which it was not necessary to attend. At 1 or 2 p.m. there was lunch with the obligatory presence of all the brethren. During lunch, the lives of the saints whose memory was celebrated that day were read, and important announcements were made by the monastery authorities. At 17:00 the evening service began, after which there was dinner and the evening monastic prayer rule. The bedtime was not regulated in any way, but if the next morning one of the brethren overslept the rule, they were sent to him with a special invitation.
Once I had the opportunity to perform a funeral service for a hieromonk. He was very young. A little older than me. I didn’t even know him during my lifetime. They say he lived in our monastery, then he left somewhere and was banned. And so he died. But, naturally, the funeral service was performed as a priest. So, all our brethren read the Psalter around the clock at the tomb. My duty once happened at night. In the temple there was only a coffin with a body and me. And so on for several hours until the next one replaced me. There was no fear, although I remembered Gogol several times, yes. Was there pity? I do not even know. Neither life nor death is in our hands, so be sorry - don’t be sorry... I only hoped that he had time to repent before his death. Like each of us, we will need to be in time.
Pranks of novices
On Easter, after a long fast, I was so hungry that, without waiting for the common holiday meal, I ran across the street to McDonald's. Right in the cassock! I and everyone else had this opportunity, and no one made any comments. By the way, many, leaving the monastery, changed into civilian clothes. I never parted with my vestments. While I lived in the monastery, I simply did not have any secular clothing at all, except for jackets and pants, which had to be worn under a cassock in cold weather so as not to freeze.
In the monastery itself, one of the novices’ pastimes was fantasizing about who would be given what name when tonsured. Usually, until the last moment, only the one who tonsures and the ruling bishop know him. The novice himself only finds out about his new name under scissors, so we joked: we found the most exotic church names and called each other with them.
And punishments
For systematic lateness, they could be put on bows, in the most severe cases - on the sole (a place next to the altar) in front of the parishioners, but this was done extremely rarely and was always justified.
It happened that someone left without permission for several days. A priest did this once. They returned him with the help of the governor directly over the phone. But again, all such cases were like children's pranks in a large family. Parents can scold, but nothing more.
There was a funny incident with one worker. A laborer is a layman, a secular person who came to the monastery to work. He does not belong to the brethren of the monastery and does not have any obligations to the monastery, except for general church and civil ones (do not kill, do not steal, etc.). At any moment, the worker can leave, or, on the contrary, become a novice and follow the monastic path. So, one worker was placed at the entrance of the monastery. A friend came to the abbot and said: “What a cheap parking lot you have in the monastery!” And it’s completely free there! It turned out that this same worker took money from visitors for parking. Of course, he was severely reprimanded for this, but they did not kick him out.
The hardest thing
When I first came to visit, the abbot warned me that real life in the monastery differs from what is written in biographies and other books. Prepared me to take off my rose-colored glasses. That is, to some extent, I was warned about some negative things that could occur, but I was not prepared for everything.
As in any other organization, in the monastery, of course, there are very different people. There were also those who tried to curry favor with their superiors, became arrogant in front of the brethren, and so on. For example, one day a hieromonk who was under a ban came to us. This means that the ruling bishop, for some offense, temporarily (usually until repentance) forbade him to perform sacred functions as a punishment, but the priesthood itself was not removed. This father and I were the same age and at first we became friends and talked about spiritual topics. Once he even drew a kind caricature of me. I still keep it with me.
The closer it got to lifting the ban on him, the more I noticed that he was behaving more and more arrogantly towards me. He was appointed assistant sacristan (the sacristan is responsible for all liturgical vestments), and I was a sexton, that is, during the performance of my duties I was directly subordinate to both the sacristan and his assistant. And here, too, it became noticeable how he began to treat me differently, but the apotheosis was his demand to address him as you after the ban was lifted from him.
For me, the most difficult things not only in monastic but also in secular life are subordination and labor discipline. In the monastery it was absolutely impossible to communicate on equal terms with fathers of higher rank or position. The hand of the authorities was visible always and everywhere. This is not only and not always the governor or the dean. It could be the same sacristan and anyone who is above you in the monastic hierarchy. Whatever happened, no later than an hour later they already knew about it at the very top.
Although there were those among the brethren with whom I found a great common language, despite not only the enormous distance in the hierarchical structure, but also the significant difference in age. Once I came home on vacation and really wanted to get an appointment with the then Metropolitan of Minsk Filaret. I was thinking about my future fate and really wanted to consult with him. We met often when I took my first steps in the church, but I was not sure if he would remember me and accept me. Coincidentally, there were many venerable Minsk priests in the queue: rectors of large churches, archpriests. And then the Metropolitan comes out, points at me and calls me to his office. Ahead of all abbots and archpriests!
He listened to me carefully, then talked for a long time about his monastic experience. He talked for a very long time. When I left the office, the entire line of archpriests and abbots looked at me very askance, and one abbot, whom I knew from the old days, said to me in front of everyone: “Well, you stayed there so long that you should have left there with a panagia.” . Panagia is a badge of honor worn by bishops and above. The line laughed, there was a release of tension, but the Metropolitan’s secretary then swore very much that I had taken up the Metropolitan’s time for so long.
Tourism and emigration
Months passed, and absolutely nothing happened to me in the monastery. I very much desired tonsure, ordination and further service in the priesthood. I won’t hide it, I also had bishop’s ambitions. If at the age of 14 I longed for ascetic monasticism and complete withdrawal from the world, then when I was 27 years old, one of the main motives for entering the monastery was episcopal consecration. Even in my thoughts, I constantly imagined myself in a bishop’s position and in bishop’s vestments. One of my main obediences in the monastery was work in the office of the governor. The office processed documents for the ordination of some seminarians and other proteges (candidates for holy orders), as well as for monastic tonsure in our monastery.
Many proteges and candidates for monastic vows passed through me. Some, before my eyes, went from layman to hieromonk and received appointments to parishes. With me, as I already said, absolutely nothing happened! And in general, it seemed to me that the governor, who was also my confessor, to some extent alienated me from himself. Before entering the monastery, we were friends and communicated. When I came to the monastery as a guest, he constantly took me with him on trips. When I arrived at the same monastery with my things, at first it seemed to me that the governor had been replaced. “Don’t confuse tourism and emigration,” some colleagues joked. This is largely why I decided to leave. If I had not felt that the governor had changed his attitude towards me, or if I had at least understood the reason for such changes, perhaps I would have remained in the monastery. And so I felt unnecessary in this place.
From scratch
I had access to the Internet, I could consult on any issues with very experienced clergy. I told everything about myself: what I want, what I don’t want, what I feel, what I’m ready for and what I’m not. Two clergymen advised me to leave.
I left with great disappointment, with resentment towards the governor. But I don’t regret anything and am very grateful to the monastery and the brethren for the experience I gained. When I left, the governor told me that he could have tonsured me as a monk five times, but something stopped him.
When I left, there was no fear. There was such a leap into the unknown, a feeling of freedom. This is what happens when you finally make a decision that seems right.
I started my life completely from scratch. When I decided to leave the monastery, I not only had no civilian clothes, but also no money. There was nothing at all except a guitar, a microphone, an amplifier and his personal library. I brought it with me from worldly life. Mostly these were church books, but there were also secular ones. I agreed to sell the first ones through the monastery shop, the second ones I took to the city book market and sold there. So I got some money. Several friends also helped - they sent me money transfers.
The abbot of the monastery gave money for a one-way ticket (we eventually made peace with him. Vladyka is a wonderful person and a good monk. Communicating with him even once every few years is a very great joy). I had a choice of where to go: either to Moscow, or to Minsk, where I lived, studied and worked for many years, or to Tbilisi, where I was born. I chose the last option and within a few days I was on the ship that was taking me to Georgia.
Friends met me in Tbilisi. They helped me rent an apartment and start a new life. Four months later I returned to Russia, where I live permanently to this day. After long wanderings, I finally found my place here. Today I have my own small business: I am an individual entrepreneur, providing translation and interpretation services, as well as legal services. I remember monastic life with warmth.
16.10.2014
Making the decision to enter a monastery is not easy; such an act is one of the sharpest turns in the life of any person. The reasons for this can be very different. In order to achieve this goal, everyone who has firmly decided to connect their life with the church must pass certain tests.
Achieving this goal can be divided into 3 stages:
- receiving a blessing;
- entering a monastery as a novice;
- tonsured a monk.
Blessing
Many citizens perceive entering a monastery as an escape from ordinary peaceful life. Such a decision is usually made for a number of reasons, but the final result is always the same. A young man in a monastic robe seems out of place to many uninitiated people where he finds himself. It seems that he would like to live and live. However, this is not entirely true. The Holy Father, who must bless a person to enter a monastery, as a rule, talks for a very long time with the person who comes to him, carefully looking closely to understand what the true purpose of such a decision is. After receiving the blessing, a person who wishes to become a novice can move further on his path to the Church and the Lord. However, if the priest decides that the subject is not yet ready for such a step, he should submit and, at least temporarily, abandon his decision.
Admission as a novice
After the blessing, the spiritual mentor can advise which monastery is best to go to. After his permission, you need to talk with the abbot of the monastery to obtain his consent to the novitiate. Novices live in a monastery, fast, work, pray to the Lord, study the Bible, etc.
Such a period in the life of a novice can sometimes last up to 10 years. During this period, some change their decision to enter a monastery and return to secular life. Often you can receive an offer to be a laborer, that is, to assist the monastery in work, and only after that become a novice.
tonsure
Actually, tonsure is already a rite of passage to become a monk. The tonsure is like a symbol testifying to further service only to the Lord. At the moment there are 3 stages of monasticism. Ryasophor (Rassophore monk) is the first and preparatory step before accepting the minor schema, after which the monk takes a vow of obedience, chastity and non-covetousness. After a vow in which the monk renounces everything worldly, the former novice becomes a schemamonk (or a monk of the great schema, an angelic image).
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After a certain period of labor in the monastery, during which the firmness of intention to completely devote one’s life to serving God is tested, by decision of the abbot or the Spiritual Council a person can be accepted as a novice of the monastery. To do this, the worker submits a corresponding petition and expresses his consent to fulfill the regulations of the monastery he has chosen.
A novice is already a member of the brethren, preparing to accept monasticism and going through a new stage of testing - a test of how close this way of life is to him, how much of a calling there is for him. Usually the term of monastic training is at least three years, but it can be reduced to one year for those who have received theological education or are studying full-time at a religious educational institution (another reason for reducing the period is serious illness). The probationary period can be extended; the decision on this is made by the abbot of the monastery - individually or together with the Spiritual Council.
It should be immediately noted that those who wish to devote themselves to monastic feats should not be bound in the world by such circumstances as elderly parents, family and children under age left without help, debt and other civil obligations. All relations with the world must be resolved before entering the monastery.
Living in a monastery, a novice must strictly follow the rules. Moreover, even before tonsure, he can renounce his intention and return to the world without incurring any canonical punishment. In addition to being employed in monastic obediences, a candidate for tonsure participates in divine services and the Sacraments of the Church. During this period, he is under the special spiritual care of the abbot himself and the spiritual mentor assigned to him.
During the monastic experience, one must especially carefully monitor oneself and one’s thoughts and understand that it is at this moment that the foundation of all monastic life is laid. Monasticism is a special calling, a special type of feat. The circumstances of coming to the monastery may be different, but the goal of a monk is always, according to the word of the Gospel, the desire for moral perfection and the acquisition of the grace of the Holy Spirit by leaving the world, cutting off one’s will, through intense prayer and work.
The labor activity of novices and monks is an integral part of life within the walls of the monastery. The obediences imposed on the brethren are necessary not only because it is necessary to create some kind of material wealth to maintain existence. Coming to the monastery, a person brings with him his passions, which are the result of human nature changed by sin; habits that are detrimental to salvation. It is through selfless labor that the body, and along with it the soul, are freed from passions, sinful will and desires are cut off, pride, self-love and self-pity are overcome. “General obedience contributes most of all to getting rid of pride. Through general obedience, a person learns spiritual art, if he wants, and when he looks at things simply...” (Reverend Ambrose of Optina). And often it is the wrong attitude towards the obediences imposed in the monastery that is the reason that a person, at the instigation of the enemy of the human race, leaves this grace-filled and saving path and leaves the monastery. Fulfillment of obediences is, first of all, sacrificial service to God and the brethren, in fulfillment of the commandments of Christ.
But novice work must be constantly accompanied by prayer, which is the foundation of monastic life.
During the monastic experience, the novice must try to carefully and actively study the Holy Scriptures and the ascetic works of the holy fathers, first of all, the Teachings of Abba Dorotheos, the “Catechism” of the Venerable Theodore the Studite, the “Ladder” of the Venerable John of Sinai, the “Guide to the Spiritual Life...” of the venerables. Barsanuphius the Great and John the Prophet (starting with answer 216), the works of St. Ephraim the Syrian, the works of St. Ignatius Brianchaninov and others - with the advice and blessing of the abbot or abbess of the monastery.
When accepted as a novice, the wearing of a cassock is blessed. At the same time, a ritual is performed, which is called “changing the vestments” or “taking off the world”: the laborer (trudnitsa), having made three prostrations in the Altar in front of the Holy Throne (and the laborer in front of the Royal Doors) and one bow to the abbot (abbess), accepts from him ( her) hand cassock, monastic belt, skufya and rosary. From that moment on, he does not wear secular clothing in the monastery.
In some cases, if this is provided for by the internal regulations of the monastery, with the blessing of the ruling bishop and with the written consent of the novice, the rite of vesting him in a cassock and hood can be performed. After this, the novice is called a novice or monk, which imposes a more serious responsibility on him. Leaving the monastery, the novice no longer has the right to wear the special clothes in which he was dressed during the period of probation. The abbot of the monastery, carefully observing the novice's monastic experience and seeing his readiness to accept the angelic image, himself, or together with the Spiritual Council, presents the candidate in writing to the ruling bishop, asking for blessings for monastic tonsure.
The time of novitiate is a special period in the life of a monk. Many remember him fondly. Here is what, for example, Archimandrite Tikhon (Shevkunov), the abbot of the Moscow Sretensky stauropegial monastery, writes about novitiate in his book “Unholy Saints”: “Novice must be recognized as a unique and, perhaps, the happiest time of monastic life. It is then that the monk will experience spiritual upswings and events that surpass all imagination, which a worldly person cannot even imagine. There will be victories and defeats in invisible ascetic warfare, amazing discoveries - of the world and of oneself. But still, the years of novitiate are incomparable to anything.
Once the elderly Patriarch Pimen was asked:
– Your Holiness, you have reached the highest level of the church hierarchy. But if you could choose now, what would you like to be?
The usually taciturn, self-absorbed patriarch answered without hesitation:
– Novice, guard at the lower gates of the Pskov-Pechersky Monastery<...>
This only reminds us of the bright joy of a carefree childhood - life consists of nothing but wonderful discoveries in a new, endless and unknown world. By the way, two thousand years ago the apostles, in fact, for three years were the real novices of Jesus Christ. Their main occupation was to follow their Teacher and discover with joyful amazement His omnipotence and love.
Exactly the same thing happens with the novices of our days. The Apostle Paul made a great discovery: Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. These words are confirmed by the entire history of Christianity. Times and people change, but Christ remains the same both for the generation of the first Christians and for our contemporaries.
True novices receive from God a priceless gift - holy carelessness, which is better and sweeter than any other freedom.”
1. Currently, the decision on admission to the number of novices is approved by the ruling bishop. The draft “Regulations on Monasteries and Monastics” proposes to transfer the right of final decision on the admission of novices to the abbot/abbess and the Spiritual Council of the monastery. Today this issue is within the competence of the Inter-Council Presence.
A. Pokrovskaya
Photo by A. Olshanskaya
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